Hurricane Repellent Kit

We have a good friend who isn't terribly fond of hurricanes; in fact, she's terrified of them. For her birthday Wayne had the great idea to give her a Hurricane Repellent Kit. We had so much fun putting it together, and it was so well received, that it needs to be documented. We're grateful for friends who like to joke around and have fun and who bring happiness and joy into our lives. We're also grateful for hurricanes that downgrade into storms before actually reaching our house.

Hurricane Repellent Kit

Step One

A – Insert one piece into mouth.
B – Chew thoroughly.
C – Blow as large a bubble as humanly possible.
D – Face hurricane.
E – Pop with forefinger.
F – Repeat at least three times.
G – If hurricane does not change course, proceed to Step Two.

Step Two

A – Firmly grasp pump body with left hand.
B – Put right hand on handle.
C – Pull out the handle.
D – Aim towards hurricane.
E – Push the handle in with as much force as an exhaling whale.
F – Repeat at least three times.
G – If hurricane does not weaken, proceed to Step Three.

Step Three

A – Take the blower with the right hand.
B – Put blower mouthpiece to lips.
C – Face hurricane.
D – Blow as hard as a hippopotamus playing a tuba in a marching band.
E – Repeat at least three times.
F – If hurricane does not dissipate, this calls for drastic measures. Proceed to Step Four.

Step Four
Important note: DO NOT PROCRASTINATE UNTIL HURRICANE CUTS YOUR POWER TO EXECUTE THIS STEP.

A – Plug in blow dryer.
B – Turn on to highest setting.
C – Point towards hurricane.
D – Continue this step for as long as you have power.
E – If power goes out and hurricane is still coming, run for your life.

FLEE!!!